One foot in front of the next!
This is a guest blog from Deborah McFadyen from her early days of navigating three young boys who were all diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum. Deb is a warrior mom, role model and a strong advocate. We are lucky to have her experience and wisdom on our team!!!
I had a lot dished on my plate at once. I was swirling in blame, fright, pressure, expectations, exhaustion and an illusion of perfectionism. I wanted to immediately get out of the situation I was in and couldn't stop the fears of what-if's from appearing.
I knew I needed to get moving, so I started saturating myself with others who'd been in my situation and started opening hundreds of browser pages on the internet and in my head. I had a list of goals, but no idea of a reasonable time to achieve them. How to get started and how to measure your success...? Well, that all lies within.
As a mom, there were no performance reviews or a job description to follow. It was a trial by fire and I had a lot of kids and a lot of conditions. The way I dealt with all of this on my plate was just starting. I had to block out the nay-sayers, the self-doubt, the disbelievers. I had to be coachable and open minded. I didn't know if those who were providing a road map had the right answers, but ever more I knew I didn't have a clearer picture than they did.
Things I had to deconstruct:
The food we eat can affect our health
The products we use can affect our health
The thoughts you have affect your health outcomes
On the surface these ideas may seem intuitive or natural, but when you are faced with approaching these concepts and making changes, it can be overwhelming. Especially when you start looking back on them. What if I had known this, or done that, or could have changed...?
I stayed reasonable with myself. I gave myself the compassion I would give a friend. I talked openly about the parts that were scary or hard. I didn't set unreasonable goals. I made small changes and waited patiently for the pain of change to become second nature.
Things I had on my side were strong relationships, people praying, externally processing so thoughts didn't become my enemies. It was not lost on me that the area I started from made the mountain I had to climb easier. Wherever you start from, the same rules apply. Set your eyes on your goal, and encourage yourself to make changes. If you don't have a support system built in, put yourself out there in a support group that shares your same journey. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and ask for help.
I didn't make all the changes at once. I wanted them to be attainable, affordable and not fleeting. It took me a little longer in some areas to believe the benefit or accept the change. In the thick of it, I didn't think I'd ever get out from under the pressure. As I type this now, it is from hindsight and I am looking back on the peaks I had to climb from the summit. No phases in life last forever, good or bad. Just focus on the inputs that will get you in the direction of your goals. But please, be kind to yourself if you aren't perfect. No one is.